none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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