why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
