I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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