I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I smell stomach acid.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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