My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize