Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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