I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
