2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize