She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
