because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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