Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
