i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
