When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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