Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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