Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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