I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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