I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize