last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
