Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
