Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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