but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
