It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
