Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
