Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
