pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't turn off my feet"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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