his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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