I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
