I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
