Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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