how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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