Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
