We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
