I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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