YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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