Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
