he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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