oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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