I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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