My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
