Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
are you so shy because you have an std?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
