I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
