He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
