We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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