I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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