is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
