I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
