whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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