she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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