My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
