My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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