It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
