I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
