Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
