You smell like a Billy Joel song
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
