a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
