dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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