I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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