What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
