Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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