Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
