Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
