Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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