you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
