found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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