if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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