the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I skipped work to stalk him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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