awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
