2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
farters have to be the big spoon...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize