And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
